


Fake

by Kikacat



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anal Sex, Coming Out, Fake/Pretend Relationship, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst, M/M, Nice Peter, Oral Sex, Pining, james is a good friend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-24
Updated: 2017-01-24
Packaged: 2018-09-19 16:28:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9450314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kikacat/pseuds/Kikacat
Summary: Can Remus cope with fake dating Sirius?





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Remus could feel his smile start to crack around the edges. He was sitting in the common room curled into the corner of the sofa, hands gripping the cushion on his lap tight enough to turn his knuckles white. James was telling his latest “fail with Lily” story, Peter laughing loudly and going red in the face beside him. Remus added a chuckle and lifted the corners of his mouth again. James may be an idiot when it came to Lily, but he was shrewd and observant, and would notice if Remus wasn’t fully invested in his most current tale.

Remus flicked his eyes to the corner of the room, where Sirius sat, lounging on an armchair with Mary Masters in his lap. Their heads were close together, not kissing, but whispering words to each other, small smiles on their faces. Sirius’ hair falling over one eye as he leant close to her ear, grinning as she blushed and nodded. 

Remus gripped the cushion tighter and swore he felt a finger pierce the material. He could feel the empty ache in his chest rise-up into his throat and coughed to clear the lump that was forming there. He watched as Sirius and Mary stood up, hands gripped together, and made their way out the portrait hole.

“Nighty night, Sirius,” James said with a wink, earning himself a very rude gesture in return. Peter laughed again, shaking his head in disbelief at just how easy it was for Sirius. He’d been talking to Mary for 10 minutes.

Remus let out a heavy breath and made to stand up. “As thrilling as your epic tales of failed romance are, James,” he said “I’m knackered. I’m going to head up.”

“Are you okay Moony?” Peter asked, concern replacing the smile on his face.

“Fine, I’m fine,” replied Remus, “just tired today.”

Peter nodded in understanding and turned to open his bag. James looked at Remus for a couple of seconds longer before nodding, “I’ll come up too.”

Remus felt a flutter of panic. Did James know? Had he guessed? He turned silently to make his way up to the dorm. He heard James whisper something to Peter and then follow him up the stairs.

Collapsing on his bed, he fought the urge to just close his curtains and ignore James, but James was not someone who would be ignored, and trying just made it worse. He settled himself for a conversation and forced his face into a mask of calm with the hint of sarcasm in his one slightly raised eyebrow.

James leant against the bedpost and crossed his arms over his chest. Remus had always found it funny when he did this. Trying to look grown up and serious, but today was the first time he realised James did look like that. He felt his throat tighten as he saw the compassion in James’ eyes, clear even through his thick glasses.

“Out with it,” whispered Remus, not trusting his voice, “You’ve obviously figured it out.”

James nodded, one side of his mouth quirking into a smile. “Don’t interrupt,” he began, “let me get this all out.”

Remus settled back on to his bed, pulling his pillow over him, for what? Comfort? Protection? He realised he did this a lot. It was probably one of the things that gave him away.

James took a deep breath. “You’re good at hiding it, you know, you always have been,” he began, and Remus averted his eyes, focusing on his scarred hands clutching the pillow. “I noticed it at first last year, you put this smile on your face, but you’re not engaged, not really listening, and it took me a while but I realised you only ever did that when Sirius wasn’t there. I started watching you, just like back in first year,” he laughed, “looking for clues, and I saw how often you looked over at him when he was with girls.”

Remus inhaled a sharp breath as James continued. “I thought about it over the summer. At first I thought it was jealousy, God knows we all feel that.” Remus looked up at that and James grinned. “Even me, a bit. I know how I look, I could have almost anyone,” he said, with a trace of his old arrogance, but he looked sad for a moment and Remus knew he meant Lily, “but it’s different for Sirius, its effortless.”

Remus returned his gaze to his hands as James went on. “Then I wondered if it was because you were lonely. I know you won’t date because of your “problem” but I thought maybe you wanted one of the girls. But that didn’t make sense ‘cos Sirius is only with these girls for about 5 minutes and you looked the same with all of them.”

James stopped there and stared at Remus again, as if he was preparing himself. Remus steeled himself too, and looked up into James’ face.

“I figured it out the night Sirius ran away to mine. You looked fucking terrified when you got there. Then you looked at Sirius, and your face…. I can’t describe it but it was more than relief. You looked at him like he was your world, and that’s when I realised he was. It was Sirius, you were always looking at, not the girls. It’s been killing me ever since.”

Remus blinked slowly. “Can I talk now?” he asked. James nodded. “Does Sirius know?”

James looked horrified. “I wouldn’t tell him something like that!” he practically yelled, and Remus flushed, feeling tears forming in his eyes as he pulled himself into a ball on the bed.

“Oh Moony, no,” James said, his voice much softer, “I didn’t mean that the way it came out. I don’t mind, you know, that you like him. Nothing could ever stop me from being your friend, Peter too.”

Remus looked up again, tears falling silently down his cheeks. “Peter knows?” he whispered.

James shook his head. “No. I didn’t tell him. We just had a conversation and I asked how he would feel if any of the Marauders were gay. He chuckled, and then said that his Uncle was gay and he loved him very much and he hadn’t said anything before, as he didn’t know how we’d be about it. Then he said that he hoped it was Sirius, so that he might get a look in with the ladies for once.”

Remus smiled, wiping the tears from his face, and felt a little lighter. James moved to sit on the bed beside him and patted his knee. That small gesture told Remus everything he needed to know. James was okay with him, with it. He felt better than he had done in years.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

It had been two weeks since his conversation with James and one since he’d come out to Peter, who had been just as kind and accepting as James had. Sirius, completely caught up in his own world, dating as many Hogwarts girls as possible, was completely in the dark. He hadn’t told Peter about Sirius, but Remus thought that he’d guessed. People didn’t give Peter enough credit for how much he picked up on as the quiet Marauder, but Peter hadn’t said anything and Remus was grateful for that. 

James, Peter and Remus were sat at their spot in the Great Hall, eating lunch when James broached the subject Remus had been dreading. “It’s time to tell him, Remus,” he began, Peter nodding beside him, “I don’t like that we all know something he doesn’t, it feels wrong.”

Remus didn’t disagree. “It’s not that I don’t want him to know, I’m obviously worried about his reaction, his family…” he trailed off, “but it’s more than that, you know.” He left his point hanging in the air and James frowned as Peter politely turned his head away.

“We’ll be with you Moony,” said James, “and if he is a dick about it we’ll soon set him right.”

Remus smiled. He didn’t think it would be that easy. It was one thing for Sirius to hate him for being gay, it was another for Sirius to accept him, to continue to laugh, joke and touch him, all the while with Remus knowing he could never have him. But Remus would take whatever he could get and friendship was enough.

James coughed, and Peter took the hint and moved away from the table. “I don’t think you should tell him how you feel, Moony,” James whispered, “I don’t want you to get hurt more than you inevitably will be.” 

Remus nodded. “I know,” he said, “I’m hoping once the truth is out, I can move on.”

“Thatta boy, Moony,” said James, grinning. “We’ll find you someone great!”

“Find who someone great?” said a smooth voice behind Remus. Remus froze, his face heating up in an instant. 

“Moony,” said James, without missing a beat. 

“Aww Moons, have you finally got your eye on someone,” Sirius said with a wink, sitting down in Peter’s empty seat.

“Umm, no,” stuttered Remus, flushing even more. “Umm, I need to talk to you about something though.” 

Sirius looked at him. His face concerned in an instant. “Is something wrong, Moons?” he asked.

“Not here,” said James, “I’ll get Peter and meet you in the dorm in 20 minutes.”

Remus nodded, as Sirius began eating, a look of confusion on his face.

Twenty minutes later, Remus, Peter, James and Sirius were locked in their dorm. Peter and James sat either side of Remus on his bed. Sirius sat across from them, his eyes flitting from one to the other. “Is someone dying?” he asked, only half joking. 

Remus took a deep breath. “I’m gay, Sirius,” he said. James slung an arm around his shoulder and Peter sat up straighter, looking Sirius right in the eye. Remus looked at his lap and waited for a response. After what felt like an eternity, Remus chanced a look up. Sirius was frozen, his face still, except for the obvious emotions in his eyes. Sirius' gaze moved from Peter to James, before finally settling on Remus. Remus was beginning to fidget, uncomfortable with Sirius’ silence.

“Sirius,” James said quietly.

Sirius blinked hard and looked sharply at James. “I take it you all knew about this,” he said, “how long have you all been keeping this from me.”

“It’s not like that,” Peter began, but James cut him off.

“I worked it out a few weeks ago,” he stated, “Pete found out a week later. We would have told you sooner, but it’s not like you’ve been around.”

“We,” said Sirius with bite, “got something going on have you?”

Remus started at this as James jumped in. “Don’t be fucking stupid, Sirius, Remus wanted to tell you, he was unsure how you’d take it. I said you’d be cool, but you’re doing a fucking great job at proving me wrong.”

Sirius turned his eyes to Remus. They were hard. “I can’t believe you,” he said,” after everything we've been through, you keep something like this from me.” He stood up to leave. “I need some time to think about this.”

Remus felt cold anger slide over him. How dare Sirius make this about him, how dare he think he should know everything first, when he had practically disappeared out of their lives. He lost his temper. “You’re not always the most trustworthy of people, Sirius,” he snapped.

Sirius froze, his back to them, halfway across the room to the door. It had taken a long time for Remus to forgive him for “the incident”, and he thought it was behind them. He definitely did not expect Remus, of all people, to throw it in his face like that.

“I see,” he said quietly, and headed out the door.

“Well, that could have gone better,” said Peter, patting Remus on the back gently, “but at least it seems he’s angrier about being kept in the dark, than you being gay.”

There was that. Sirius had not mentioned that once. Maybe they could be okay. Except Remus had thrown “the incident” in his face and possibly ruined their friendship forever. 

“Should I go and find him,” he said quietly.

James looked thoughtful. “I’ll go,” he said.

It took James about 10 minutes to track down Sirius. He knew him better than anyone and Sirius was anything but mysterious when angry. James opened the door to the little cubby room on the 6th floor and crawled in. “We’re getting a bit big for here,” he said, by way of greeting.

“Maybe you are,” Sirius retorted, “all that treacle tart.”

James huffed as he tried to find a comfortable position. He settled back, elbows on knees, and regarded Sirius. “You know why he said it, don’t you?” he asked, “He’s not still angry about it, he hasn’t been for a while. He’s angry that you made his coming out about you, and he lashed out. You have kind of been in your own world lately.”

Sirius sighed. “I didn’t think he’d ever really forgive me, he shouldn’t have. It’s what I always do though isn’t it, think of myself first. It’s why the bloody “incident” happened in the first place. I'm such a selfish prick.”

James hadn’t expected Sirius to be so honest. “You’re alright with it though, Remus I mean,” he asked, “Marauders come first, remember, and it’s not like this is the biggest secret he’s got.”

Sirius sighed again and turned his face away from his lit wand. His hair fell in a curtain between them, as he spoke. “Of course, I’m okay with it, he’s Remus,” he said, “trust me, I have no problem with Remus being gay.”

James relaxed a bit, but something struck him. “What did you mean by being selfish before?” he asked, “about Remus and Snape?”

Sirius paused. He’d never explained. Remus hadn’t wanted to know and the others hadn’t asked. “Snape saw me doing something. It had to do with someone else. I didn’t want him to tell and I panicked. I sent Snape after Remus to scare him, keep him quiet. I didn’t think. I never wanted to hurt anyone, especially Remus,” he finished quietly.

James let it go. There was more to this, but Sirius had closed off and he was the most stubborn person James had ever met, besides Lily.

“We should get back,” said James, “talk to Remus, tell him you’re cool with it. You know, he’s probably going nuts with guilt right now.” 

Sirius grinned. “Same old Moony,” he said, and pushed James through the door.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

A week and a half later and things seemed to have settled down. Sirius and Remus were still a little careful with each other, but there were no awkward silences or uncomfortable moments. Word had mysteriously spread about Remus’ sexual preference and, as he was far from the first boy to come out at Hogwarts, no-one bothered him about it. Interest in him had certainly picked up, though. The Marauders hadn’t realised just how many out guys there were at Hogwarts until one of their own, who was not Sirius, started getting attention. 

Peter found it hilarious. “He’s more popular than you are, Padfoot,” he laughed into his pumpkin juice that morning, as another 6th year winked at Remus as he passed. Sirius looked unimpressed as Remus blushed furiously and stared at his plate.

“It’s the scars I reckon,” said James, “they make you look dangerous, sexy. Oww, what was that for?” he turned to Sirius as he bent down to rub the ankle Sirius had just kicked, hard.

“Sorry,” said Sirius, not looking sorry at all, “but you’re making him uncomfortable.”

Remus definitely looked unhappy. He valued his privacy for obvious reasons and this was getting him far more attention than he liked. “I’m just worried someone might start being too interested in me,” he said quietly, “The last thing I need is anyone looking too closely.”

“You need a boyfriend, then,” said Peter sagely, “Once you’re off the market, everyone else will stop.”

“Thanks for that,” said Remus sarcastically, “but who the hell am I going to date. The same reasons stand as before. No-one can find out about me.”

I’ll date you,” said Sirius suddenly. “Think about it, I already know your secret, and this way you get a boyfriend and no-one else finds out.”

Remus turned frantic eyes on James. “Yeah, I don’t think that’s a good idea,” James began, but Remus interrupted.

“I appreciate the offer,” he said, fighting to control the panic in his voice, “but don’t you think it’d be weird. We’d need to hold hands and stuff and, and, well, you’re straight, poker straight, half the girls in Hogwarts can attest to it. No-one would believe it, and then they’d wonder why we were pretending and, well, it would be a horrible mess.”

Sirius sat quietly for a moment, eyes boring into Remus. Remus could feel his heart thudding in his chest and glanced at Peter, sure he could hear it too. Something flashed across Sirius’ eyes, so quickly Remus almost missed it. Then Sirius smiled, the slow, sexy half smile that made so many students stutter and blush. “I can pull it off, Remus,” he whispered, using a tone of voice Remus had never heard before, “you don’t need to worry about that.”

Remus, who was just as susceptible to that smile as anyone else, felt the panic start to take over as his cheeks started to redden. He pushed away from the table in a hurry and practically ran out of the room.

“Well done, Padfoot,” said James crossly, as he stood to follow Remus. Sirius frowned at the empty space where Remus had been.

James found Remus behind Greenhouse No. 3, his favourite hiding place. Right on the edge of the Forbidden Forest and completely hidden from view of the Castle. No-one ever went there as it was mostly overgrown. “I’ve been thinking,” he began, “and I think it might be a good idea, you know, fake dating Sirius. He’s going to wonder why, if you don’t and his reasons do kind of make sense. He’ll probably get bored after a week anyway, and by then maybe you’ll be over it, after seeing what he’s really like in a relationship and not what you think he might be.”

Remus groaned and put his head in his hands. “I was thinking along the same lines,” he muttered, “Sirius is far from stupid, however he behaves, and I think I can pretend for a week.”

James sat down next to Remus. “So, you’re going to have to pretend to like the guy you like, whilst also pretending that you don’t like him. Sucks to be you,” he said. Remus groaned again.

Two hours later and word was spreading like wildfire that Remus and Sirius were dating. Among the sobs of many heartbroken students was a steady chorus of, “I’m not surprised,” which definitely surprised Remus. He had gone to Sirius and apologised and said he’d be happy for the help. Sirius had jumped up like the excited puppy he was and pulled Remus into an enthusiastic hug. Remus had panicked for a second and then relaxed into it. He could do this. Sirius need never know and it’s not like he hadn’t had years of practicing self-control. 

Now, they were sitting together by the fireplace, Sirius leaning against Remus as he talked to James, Remus reading his book and occasionally glancing up to join in. It felt nice and he smiled to himself, before reality checked in and he pushed the feeling away. It was fake, he must remember that, but having Sirius this close to him, this was going to be harder than he thought.

He focused on his book again, relaxing as the words flowed, when he felt it. Sirius was stroking his hand gently up and down his thigh. It wasn’t overtly sexual, it was the sort of thing Remus had seen countless couples do. He let out the breath he’d been holding and turned his head to Sirius. “Alright, Moons?” Sirius said softly, smiling at him. Remus nodded with wide eyes, fake, fake, fake, running through his head. He patted Sirius’ hand gently and returned his attention back to his book. James looked on with a thoughtful expression on his face.

That Saturday was a Hogsmeade weekend. The Marauders took their time getting ready and after a leisurely breakfast, followed the rest of the students out of Hogwarts on the walk into town. James dragged Peter off on the hunt for Lily, and Sirius and Remus walked together in comfortable silence for a while before Sirius coughed, clearing his throat. “Um, Remus,” he began. Remus turned to look at Sirius whose face was uncharacteristically nervous, “Can I hold your hand?”

Remus looked around in confusion, seeing no other students around. “Why?” he replied.

Sirius coughed again and shrugged, “I thought it might be good practice, for when we get into town. We’re going to have to then, or people will talk.” He looked more like regular Sirius now, mischievous with a hint of something else in his eyes

Remus tried to keep his breathing under control. “Oh, okay then,” he managed. Sirius took his hand gently. It was warm and strong and as he slipped his fingers between Remus’, it felt right too. Remus felt himself blush, and smiled shyly at Sirius. Sirius smiled back as bright as the Sun.

Once in Hogsmeade, the day passed in a blur. Sirius held on to Remus’ hand like it was glued on, as he pulled him from shop to shop. They had lunch in the Three Broomsticks, which Sirius paid for while Remus was in the toilet, and shrugged it off with an “It was my turn anyway.” As they left to return to the castle, Sirius slipped away. Remus wasn’t sure whether to wait or walk back, but as soon as he made his mind up to go, Sirius appeared grinning. “Ready?” he asked, holding out his hand.

“Ready,” said Remus, as he took it.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Two months went by and Sirius was, to all intents and purposes, the perfect boyfriend. His eye never wandered and he was constantly attentive to Remus. Remus found himself having to push back the hope in his chest more and more often. He thanked Sirius almost daily for his pretence, and Sirius would just shrug and say “Anything for you, Moons.”

It was now very clear, that he was not going to get over this quickly, if anything, being Sirius’ fake boyfriend had made it worse. James could see it too. In the fondness of Remus’ looks, the happiness he tried to hide when Sirius cuddled him or held his hand. He was very worried about it all ending in tears. He tried to talk to Sirius about laying off a bit but was shut down with a very curt “Stay out of this, James.”

Another month went by and it was Peter’s birthday. The Marauders celebrated in style with stolen bottles of Butterbeer and Firewhiskey, liberated from the House Elves. Several rounds of extreme Truth or Dare later found Peter asleep in the bath and James banished to sleep on the girl’s dormitory staircase. Remus was on his way to drunk, everything was fuzzy and his insides were warm. 

He was laying on his bed, feet propped up on his pillows, as he gazed up at the canopy. He blinked hard three times when a fuzzy face with long black hair appeared over him. “How’re you doing there, Moons?” said Sirius softly. The main lights in the dorm were out and Sirius was lit with just the light of the torches, it made his skin glow.

Remus blinked again, taken aback with Sirius’ sudden, close proximity. He smelt so good. How could he smell so good after a night of drinking? Remus furrowed his brow in thought. Sirius stretched out beside him on the bed and stroked a finger over the crease between his eyes. “Complicated thoughts?” he asked.

Remus tipped his head to the side as he studied Sirius above him. “You’re so pretty,” he said, before his brain could comprehend what was coming out of his mouth. He froze, and shut his eyes tightly. “Oh God, oh God, oh God,” he thought. What had he done? Stupid alcohol, stupid Sirius looking all fantastic, stupid Peter’s birthday. His mind tried to catch up with the circumstances and he briefly wondered why Sirius was still lying on the bed when he felt a soft pair of lips press gently against his.

His eyes flew open in shock as he realised Sirius was kissing him. Sirius was kissing HIM. The lips became more insistent and he moaned as he opened his mouth to the tongue that was nudging gently against his lips. Sirius’ tongue moved against his with a soft, gentle motion that was making him see stars behind his eyelids. He moved his hands then, one up and into Sirius’ hair, carding through the length of it, the other resting on the small of his back, pulling him closer.

Sirius moaned at this and Remus felt Sirius’ hips start to rock against him. He was hard, they both were, and suddenly Remus wanted nothing more in this world than to be lying in this bed with Sirius naked. He moved his hands to the buttons on Sirius’ shirt and began to undo them, never breaking the kiss, as he pushed his hands underneath to slide the shirt of Sirius’ shoulders. He froze then. What if this wasn’t what Sirius wanted? He was his fake boyfriend, he hadn’t signed up for this. How much had Sirius drank? Sirius moved his lips from Remus’ mouth kissing across his cheek to his ear, “Please Remus,” he breathed.

Remus did as he was told. Sliding the shirt off his arms and running his hands back up to his chest. Sirius grabbed at the hem of Remus’ shirt and pulled it up over his head. Next came trousers, the two of them wriggling and giggling as they were slid off and discarded over the edge of the bed. Sirius rolled onto Remus and tilted his head. This kiss was deep, it made Remus breathless and he took in great gasps of air as Sirius began to slowly kiss down his neck. Remus’ head was spinning. This was all he had thought about for a year and now it was happening. Sirius was sucking gently on the soft skin of his neck as Remus panted, his hands stroking up and down Sirius’ back.

Sirius moved lower, planting soft kisses on his scars and gently nibbling on the unmarked skin between them. Remus felt Sirius’ hands on the waistband of boxers, and slowly moved his legs apart as Sirius slid them off. Sirius moved between Remus’ thighs and resumed kissing and biting the soft skin. His breath ghosted over Remus’ hard cock and his hips began to make tiny involuntary movements towards Sirius’ mouth. Remus felt Sirius’ tongue sweep the length of him and chocked back a groan. Sirius alternated wet kisses and long sweeps of his tongue all over before taking the head into his mouth, sucking softly. It took every ounce of Remus’ self-control, not to thrust up at once. 

Sirius must have sensed the tension in Remus as his hands came up to anchor Remus’ hips to the bed. He began to bob his head, slowly at first, building a rhythm, and Remus was whimpering. Sirius seemed to know exactly when Remus was getting close and changed his technique, sometimes stopping to lick all over his cock again, sometimes just sucking on the now weeping head, before returning to move his head up and down, faster and faster and faster. Remus was writhing. He had long since stopped noticing the noises he was making. He was close now, so close and he gasped out “Sirius” before he came hard down Sirius’ throat.

Remus was panting, his whole body felt sensitive and his ears were ringing. Sirius moved up over him and kissed him gently, softly on the lips. Remus stared up at him before slowly, shyly, turning onto his stomach. He heard Sirius’ sharp inhale and knew the message had been received. “Are you sure?” Sirius asked quietly.

Remus nodded and closed his eyes. He heard the spells being cast, felt his body adjust, and the cool slide of the lube inside him, and then Sirius was over him. One hand supporting his weight as the other guided himself inside of Remus. Remus was prepared for pain, he had read about this, but the spells had done their job and he felt only pressure, that felt odd, full, inside him. And it was hot, he hadn’t expected to feel that. Sirius pushed further inside and Remus breathed slowly, calmly, feeling his body relax. Sirius pushed flush against him, and let out a breath he’d been holding. “It’s incredible,” he whispered, “you’re incredible.”

Remus shifted his hips and Sirius began to rock inside him. It felt good, nice, but he wanted more. He pushed back against Sirius, who got the message and pulled out almost completely. Remus opened his legs a little more, pushing up onto his knees, and when Sirius pushed back inside with a little more force, fireworks went off in Remus’ body.

“Fuck, there, fuck, yes,” he shouted, and Sirius began to thrust against the same spot, over and over again. Remus was hard again, he desperately wanted to touch himself, but his hands were keeping him balanced in this perfect position and he couldn’t move. Sirius was moving faster now, harder, swearing between moans of his own and murmurs of “So good, Remus, so fucking good.”

Remus had never felt anything like this before, God, he needed to come again. “Sirius,” he gasped out, “please fucking touch me, please,” he begged. He felt Sirius’ hand close around his cock and moaned in relief as he began to fuck himself into the fist and back onto Sirius. Sirius’ cries were ramping up, he was so close. Remus jerked himself back onto Sirius’ cock harder and harder, before his orgasm caught him almost unawares and he cried out as he came over Sirius’ hand and the sheets below. Sirius followed right behind him. The pressure of Remus’ orgasm tipping him over the edge.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Remus woke up with a headache and a heavy feeling down the left side of his body. Opening his eyes slowly to the dim light behind the curtains, he saw the dark head of Sirius on his shoulder, the rest of him curled along his side. Remus started to panic, what had they done? Fuck, fuck, fuck. Sirius began to stir and Remus’ panic got the best of him. He bolted from the room, grabbing his discarded clothes as he went.

After a long shower in the Prefects bathroom, and a large breakfast in the kitchens, courtesy of the House Elves, Remus made his way back to the common room. Peter and James were sat by the fire, engaged in a game of chess, but Sirius was nowhere to be seen. James looked up and caught his eye, he didn’t look happy. Remus made his way over.

“Does he hate me?” he asked, quietly. Peter stared hard at the board, as James considered the question.

“Look, Moons,” he said, “I don’t exactly know what happened last night, and I don’t want to, but from what I can tell, he’s hurt more than anything. He’d barely look at us. Just said that, now at least he knew, whatever that means.” 

Remus must have looked confused at this as James sighed. “Just go and talk to him, fix this,” he said, before turning his attention back to the game.

Remus stood and made his way upstairs. Sirius was sat on his bed with books around him. Books that Remus hadn’t seen before. On his own bed was a small package wrapped in blue paper. “What’s this?” said Remus moving over to it. Sirius said nothing as he watched Remus pick up the package and turn it over in his hands.

“Open it,” said Sirius quietly, “I got it for you in Hogsmeade. It was going to be your birthday present, but seeing as I’m not sure we’re friends anymore, you may as well have it now.”

Remus opened the package carefully. It was a first edition of Dracula. He’d wanted this since he saw it in the little shop in Hogsmeade in fourth year. He’d never told anyone he wanted it. He could never have afforded it. He remembered that Sirius had been with him. He felt a lump in his throat and his eyes ached.

Remus’ thoughts were turning over in his head, running a mile a minute. “Why aren’t we friends?” he managed, still caught up in the emotion.

“Oh, I don’t know,” replied Sirius, “maybe ‘cos we slept together and then you ran off this morning like you’d made the biggest mistake of your life.”

Remus shook his head over and over. “I thought you’d made the mistake, we’re fake Sirius, I didn’t mean to let it go so far, but you were there and I couldn’t stop myself. You were being a friend and I took advantage. I’m ashamed of myself.”

Sirius stood up and walked over to Remus. “Why do you think I didn’t want it too?” he asked, “what do you think these months have been about? God, Remus, don’t you get it. All this time you were pretending to be my boyfriend, and I was actually yours."

Remus froze, he couldn’t believe this. Sirius wanted him too? “But, all the girls?” he managed.

Sirius sighed again, and picked up one of the books on the bed, handing it to Remus. “My secret,” he said. Remus opened the book at the front page and saw a sketch of Lily. It was beautiful. He turned the page and saw James, then Peter, then himself, then more of himself. Pages and pages of pictures of him. Sirius handed him a second book. Each page had a sketch of one of the girls Sirius had supposedly dated.

“They sat for me,” he said, “I didn’t want people to know, so I let them tell their friends we were dating and in return they kept my secret. I’m afraid it’s been you, Moony, for about three years now.”

Remus couldn’t breathe. Sirius wanted him, had wanted him, for years. “Why did you never say?” he whispered.

Sirius sat down on the edge of Remus’ bed. “I was scared at first, my family, they’re, well, you know.” He picked at a loose thread on the sheet. “I was getting the nerve up, I was drawing you, I hoped you’d be able to see how much I cared in the picture, but,” he trailed off. “Snape saw the picture, it must’ve been good, ‘cos he figured me out right away, and, well, you know what happened next. After that, I just wanted your friendship back, I never thought there could be more. But being around you so much, God, it hurt sometimes, so I focused on my drawing and tried to not hope for more, and then you went and bloody came out, and my resistance was shot, and then you needed a boyfriend and well..” he finished in a rush.

Remus sat very still, processing everything Sirius had said. “Can I see it, the drawing?” he asked. Sirius stood up and went to his trunk, He lifted out another book, this one larger than the others and flipped to the page he wanted before handing it to Remus.

Remus looked at the picture and felt his eyes fill with tears. It was him, definitely him, but he looked beautiful. Sirius had drawn him out by the lake, underneath their tree. He was lying with his eyes closed, but not asleep, and how had Sirius managed to capture that? He had a small smile on his face and looked content and at peace. The love of the artist in the picture was so obvious, anyone could see it.

Remus looked up at Sirius, who was biting his lip with nerves. “This is how you see me?” he whispered. Sirius nodded

Remus carefully placed the picture on the bed and moved to Sirius, sliding his arms around him, wrapping him up against him. He leant forward and pressed his lips to Sirius', in a kiss he hoped could tell Sirius everything he felt. Sirius kissed him back pouring his heart into it. When they broke apart, they were both smiling.

“Does this mean you’ll be my boyfriend,” said Sirius with a grin.

**Author's Note:**

> Characters do not belong to me.


End file.
